My Dream Job

I spent a few hours in court yesterday. I didn't do anything, but I accompanied a friend who was protesting some sort of charge (details withheld to protect the ridiculous).

Court is now my favorite place in the whole world. People are morons!  

Case #1: Forty-year-old man comes before the judge to dispute the fact that he doesn't want to pay his $450 fine for his DUI. Judge tells him that because he was convicted, he has to pay the fine. He decides he would rather have the charge dropped. Judge tells him that he has Already. Been. Convicted. Man gives up, pays his fine.

Case #2: Creepiest man ever. I'm not sure how many charges he had against him, but he apparently goes to AA twice a day (right), did 100 hours of community service in Wenatchee (right), has not had his licence in over a year (how does he get to Wenatchee?), and then he hands her the identical community service log he gave her two months prior. His phone rings in the middle of all of this and he ANSWERS it. Judge tells him to hang up and turn it off. He does. Oh wait, it rings again, so he starts texting. Judge eventually removes one charge (for assault? Drunken assault? Is that a charge?) and lets him leave.

Remember the creepster from Little Children? This is what the guy looked like.

Case #3: Little blonde teenager named Doreen (hahaha). She's already missed three court dates? The judge is curious as to why. "My stepbrother was in a car accident." The judge would like to know what this has to do with Doreen. "He died." The judge wants to know when the funeral was. Oh, it was three days after your hearing? No excuse. Pre-trial date set.

Case #4 (my personal favorite): Skinny skinny supertall guy. He's also missed three court dates. Why? His grandmother broke her knee and he had to take her to the hospital. Judge is not buying this. That was six weeks ago. Why didn't he come in the next day? Because he doesn't have a car. (How did you get grandma to the hospital?) Judge looks at the FOUR friends he brought with him. Funny that none of them could drive him in the past six weeks, but amazingly, they were ALL free to bring him today! Pre-trial.

Case #5: Shorter-than-me Asian guy. Two DUIs. Refuses to do community service. Judge hates him and tells him to get a lawyer. He wants his friend to be his lawyer. Does your friend work for the city of Redmond? No? He works as a public defender in Seattle? Sorry. Guy also wants his court date postponed because he is moving to California in June. When would you like your court date to be postponed until. JANUARY. Nice try - see you in May!

Case #6 (America's teenagers at their finest): BAGGY pants pulled up to his chest and secured with what I am assuming is his father's belt. He missed his third court date because his girlfriend happened to get pregnant and told him the day of his trial. The judge rolls her eyes into the back of her head and sets his trial date. Later, we run into this guy in the lobby who tells us that he made the whole pregnancy story up. REALLY?? By this time, his pants are practically around his knees and his St. Patrick's Day boxers are adorned with drunk leprechauns.

When I get tired of this whole teaching thing, I'm going to become a professional court-goer. Best afternoon I've had in a long time!

My Saturday Nights are Better Than Yours...

Last Saturday night I watched Oklahoma! while hanging out with my favorite little girls in the world. What a fantastic movie! While watching, I remembered that Curly, the main character, was one of my first crushes when I was a little girl. He was the perfect mixture of cockiness and eagerness, desperately trying to impress Laurey while still remaining masculine in the process. His cowboy swagger was intimidatingly enthralling and his voice melted my seven-year-old heart. I was convinced I was going to marry a man like Curly when I grew up. Other not-actually-real-people crushes from when I was younger? Scott Wormer from Now and Then and Ben from My Father the Hero,. Except the crush on Ben was really from my sophomore year of high school.

Curly.

Scott Wormer.

Ben. (Not the guy in the bed.)

In other news, Laura Clark got a concussion from hitting her head on her BICYCLE when trying to put it in her car. Not as good as when her roommate got a concussion from hitting her head on her kindergartener's cubbies, but close enough.

And lastly, a bean burrito meal from Taco Time has a whopping 820 calories. Goodbye Taco Time. :(

I Should Be Famous

A friend of mine asked me to compile a list of my favorite songs and send the list to her so she could update her iTunes library. I was tempted to simply list all the tracks from Muse's Absolution and Black Holes and Revelations and hit send, but I was intrigued by her request.

I spent the better half of a day pouring over my iPod, writing down songs and entire albums. I pondered over classics, indies, my entire Britney Spears collection, and my endless supply of musicals and soundtracks. At the end of the day, my list of You Must Own music totaled 28 albums plus an additional 83 songs - roughly $350 worth of iTunes gift cards.

My expansive list made me wonder if it were even possible to narrow it down to just my FAVORITES. As a girl who has a favorite-everything-in-the-whole-world, I knew my work was cut out for me. My favorite feature of the iTunes store is the "Celebrity Playlist" section, where celebrities list their absolutelyfavorite songs and tell us, the waiting-with-baited-breath public, why these are their favorites. Perfect.

Minus the Muppet Treasure Island, Mamma Mia, and High School Musical 3 soundtracks (all of which will forever be in my top 10 albums), here is my iTunes Celebrity Playlist.  

"Dakota" Stereophonics (Track 1): My favorite part of college was skipping class and laying on the pole vault pads on sunny days - this song reminds me so much of those days.  

"Grace Kelly" Mika (Track 2): His Freddy Mercury voice kills. Not to mention his crazy energy.  

"23" Jimmy Eat World (Track 3): Jim Adkins' lyrics are painfully brilliant. "You'll sit alone forever/If you wait for the right time/What are you hoping for?"  

"September" Earth, Wind & Fire (Track 4): This will be the Last Dance song at my wedding.  

"One Day Like This" Elbow (Track 5): Best music video. Best message. Best use of a strings section.  

"Pride" Syntax (Track 6): The build-up to the end of this song is amazing. The lyrics are fantastic as well.  

"Straight Lines" Silverchair (Track 7): I listened to this song on repeat for the duration of my flight to Vegas two summers ago. It's that addicting.  

"Bliss" Muse (Track 8): I really could have put any of several Muse songs, but this one encompasses the brillance that is Matt Bellamy. The arpeggios are the best.  

"Run" Snow Patrol (Track 9): I am legitametly in love with Gary Lightbody. His voice is perfect and this is the greatest love song ever written, even if it is about a break-up.

"Mama's Room" Under the Influence of Giants (Track 10): This band is awesome! Mama's Room is disco-y and so cool. This was my ringtone for two years.  

"Bedshaped" Keane (Track 11): Tom Chaplin sings this song with so much hope.  

"Ashes" Embrace (Track 12): This is the perfect I've-Been-Hurt-But-I'm-Better-Than-You song.  

"All These Things I've Done" The Killers (Track 13): How can you not love this song? It is PERFECT live.

"I Don't Feel Like Dancing" Scissor Sisters (Track 14): You will be dancing. All over the place.  

"Lauren and I" Keith Harkin (of Celtic Thunder) (Track 15): I probably should have just put both of their albums as my favorite songs, but this one is beautiful and pure and his voice gives me goosebumps.  

"Beautiful" Goldfrapp (Track 16): This is my "driving" song - always on when I'm in the car.  

"In The Air Tonight" Phil Collins (Track 17): The drums...and it's PHIL COLLINS.  

"Foreplay/Long Time" Boston (Track 18): My favorite song to play on My favorite song to play on Rock Band and I can't believe my parents didn't introduce this to me during their "oldies" phase.

And there you have it.